On the Eve of My Dad's Memorial Service

This is what it looks like on the eve of my dad's memorial service.  

How it feels is indescribable.  

It's hard to get a deep breath.

My throat is scratchy.

My heart is periodically beating out of my chest.

It will be three weeks tomorrow, but I'm not ready for this.

But, then again, I probably never will be.

I know that after tomorrow, everything changes.  Again.

And lives go on.  But things get harder on my end.  

I understand all this.

But I don't like it.

And I wish it wasn't happening.

But it is and I can't stop it.

And so I'll get through tomorrow.  

And the day after that.  

And the day after that.

And the day after that.

And so on...

Just one day, one hour, one moment, one breath...at a time.

If you're coming to the memorial tomorrow, I'll look forward to seeing you!

If you're not, please send some good thoughts my way.  11am-1pm PST...and maybe all the hours around that too.  

I can use all I can get.