Too Many Questions, No Real Answers

Here's the thing about death...we all want answers.  We want to know why things happen the way they do.  And the reality of life is that we simply aren't supposed to know everything. 

I want to know why my mom got ovarian cancer and why she had to die at 73.  I don't get to have that answer.

I want to know why my dad, who was doing so well, suddenly went downhill quickly and died in a matter of weeks at 78.  I don't know that I'll get to have that answer either.

I want to know why my husband and I spent an entire summer uprooting ourselves, buying and selling a house, and moving closer to my dad, so that I could have lunch with him more often, only to have him die before I could even begin to do that.  Why?  

Sure...my mom's death taught me a lot and changed my life trajectory.  That's huge.  I expect my dad's death with do the same.  Yes, my husband has a much nicer commute from our new home.  Sure...I can find all the positives.  And maybe those are the only answers that exist.  But I still want more.

But just because you want something doesn't mean you get to have it.  And that's simply the way life works.  

I don't have to like it though....