Perspective

Life is funny.  So much perspective is gain by simply living it.  And yet, it would be so helpful to understand the perspective when you're going through different stages of life.  I remember when I started high school, everyone told me those 4 years would go so fast and, I, having lived a whole 14 years thought all those people were ridiculous because a year was a long time and I hated school and there was no way high school was going to go fast. 

Those people were right.  They had already been there and had perspective.

I worked for a big corporation right out of high school.  My youngest co-worker was 28 and I remember thinking, "Wow...she's already having her 10 year high school reunion".  So many of my co-workers looked at me with these smiles that annoyed me at the time and said I needed to enjoy these carefree years because they weren't going to last forever.  I needed to enjoy eating whatever I wanted and staying up late and having few cares in the world.  I just thought they were too old to remember anything.  ;)

Those people were right.  They had already been there and had perspective.

Jump to years later when you think I would have had the sense to listen to people who had walked roads ahead of me, but once again, when parents told me to hang on to those babies of mine because time was going to fly, I wanted to punch them.  Time was not flying.  I felt as though I was awake every minute of every day.  I began to wonder if I would ever sleep again.  Or ever go to the bathroom alone again, or ever stop finding legos EVERYWHERE (how do they find their way to every little place in the house?), of if I would ever even experience just a simple moment of silence again.

Those people were right.  They had already been there and had perspective.

I'll be 45 in two months.  That is quite likely well over the halfway point in my life based on the lifespans in my family.  High school was a blink of an eye.  My 20s were a blur of time.  My babies are teenagers and looking at me like I used to look at my parents.  My mom is gone.  My dad is being lost to Parkinson's.  

Tonight I sit alone in my house.  In deafening silence.  And there is this battle in my brain that says, "ENJOY THIS!  Do you remember how much you longed for the sound of silence?" while the other part of my brain says, "Make it stop!  Bring back the sound of children, of giggling babies, of joyful toddlers, of playful elementary school aged children.  Bring it back!"  Oh...perspective.  I have SO much of it now and yet, I know there is still so much to be learned.  

The grass always seems so much greener on the other side.  Until you get there and you just want to go home to your own yard again.  My life is blessed.  I am grateful for every moment and every lesson and every laugh and every tear.  I just wish I could have spent more time appreciating each of those moments when I was living them.

I tell my children to slow down.  Enjoy this time.  Don't be in such a hurry for "freedom".  I tell those in their 20s to enjoy their young bodies that have abundant energy and a strong metabolism.  I tell new parents to hold those babies.  Snuggle those toddlers.  Enjoy every "I love you" that comes from their mouth.  Enjoy every little baby hand wrapped around theirs.  

I know there were difficulties and troubles throughout the last 45 years.  But when I look back on my life, I only see the things I wish I could have back and the things I wish I could have enjoyed more.  I KNOW there were moments when I thought the world was over.  I have most definitely struggled.  But those are not the vivid memories in my mind.

I want other people to learn from my perspective.  I know others felt the same way about me.  But you can't truly understand another person's perspective.  You have to experience yourself. It sort of feels like a cruel joke.  It's kind of that old adage, "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone."  It's not really fair.

And I guess all that means is that we have to learn to live in TODAY.  In THIS moment.  We only get so many trips around the sun and none of us know exactly how many trips we get.  So, it is up to us to live in today.  But it's certainly easier said than done.

Tonight I will try to enjoy the silence.  The stillness.  The peace.  All things I desperately wanted not that long ago.  I will honor this moment knowing there are young parents all over the world who are simply longing for ONE moment of silence.  I'll pour myself a glass of wine, sit quietly, do a little reflecting and be curious about all the perspective I still have to learn...knowing I will learn it in time and that the only thing I can do for now is enjoy this moment.