When I began this blog, it was primarily to share my journey in caregiving and to shed some light on Parkinson's disease. In my first post, I explained the title of this blog like this:
"Steps in Silent Stillness has multiple meanings. Steps to those with PD are often difficult. Steps for caregivers are many and exhausting. Silent speaks to those with PD who often lose the ability to express themselves through facial movements, cognition loss, and speech difficulties. Silent also speaks to caregivers who just keep going, quite often in silence because those around them can never fully understand what they are going through. I'm breaking that silence with this blog, but I know the majority of caregivers out there are still silently handling their responsibilities day in and day out. And then stillness. PD creates a stillness in people that is unwanted. PD creates stiffness and the inability to move well. And in a juxtaposition, stillness is what so many caregivers crave. Moments to be still and rest that do not come easily or often."
Yep...that is all still true. However, I have realized that this blog is more about life and the journey I am on, which simply includes caregiving and my dad's Parkinson's disease. It doesn't define me. So, in addition to the above description, I have found that Steps in Silent Stillness also perfectly describes my current life journey. It is constant steps and a constant desire to find that silent stillness in the world, which I am slowly finding. So, the title of this blog still feel so perfect to me. My focus of the blog has just changed a bit. It's not so narrow...it's more about the full journey rather than just small pieces of it. And instead of posting novel length Facebook posts, I'll use this place so people can choose to read or not and I won't take up entire screens of people's computer with Facebook posts. ;)
On that note...today, as I sat outside with my cup of warm lemon water, I felt the sting of the cold air and saw the thin dusting of snow on the ground, but as I listened to the birds chirp and sing, there was a slight sense of Spring in the air, and that sense of new beginnings that always comes with Spring.
I realized this morning that over the winter I have added in new rituals...lemon water every morning and sitting out on my front porch as many mornings as possible. And I LOVE these new additions to my life. And have no problem continuing with them. I haven't missed one day of lemon water. The quiet mornings on my front porch renew me and ground me and prepare me for my day in such a peaceful way.
I can't help but see that the additions to my life have been more successful and more fulfilling and more sustainable than all the times I've tried to remove something from my life. Now, that doesn't mean I don't still monitor the food I eat, because I do. But I don't restrict myself from anything. If I determine that I truly want a piece of chocolate, I let myself have it. And knowing I can have what I want keeps me from going on a binge and feeling badly later. Adding in the mindful part to eating has been more successful than telling myself there are certain foods I can no longer have.
Come to think of it, I always enjoyed addition over subtraction and multiplication over division. ;) I like this idea of adding to my life instead of subtracting from it. And I've noticed that in the adding in of positive things, the negative things simply don't have as much space available to them in my life. :)
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