Olly and I put a lot of thoughts into our tattoos. I knew I wanted mine on my foot. And everyone warned me that it's a rough place to get a tattoo. But I didn't find it to be too bad. And by Saturday night, there wasn't any pain at all.
Being a tattoo virgin, of course the pain was the thing I was most concerned about prior to getting the tattoo. What I wasn't aware of was that I was about to be initiated into a private club I didn't know existed.
I've never been judgmental about tattoos. I've often though they were amazing on people, but I never saw myself getting one until fairly recently. Olly and I started talking about it a while back. Sort of jokingly at first and then it became more serious and then this year, we made a deal that we were going to get them on our annibirthary weekend away. We did our research and our planning. We spent hours with the tattoo artist in Port Townsend back in March designing our tattoos. So, we had a pretty awesome build up to this thing. Probably too much.
By the time Saturday came, I wasn't really sure I was going to go through with it. I really wondered if I could do it. We sat there for another two hours while Olly finished up the design of his tattoo which gave me even more time to be nervous. Finally, when the tattoo artist asked who was going first, I knew it had to be me. I don't know why....I just knew it did. It was a good move though because I think if I had gone second, I wouldn't have done it after watching Olly get his. For the record, the spine is clearly way more intense of a place to get a tattoo than the foot!
Now, let me take a second to remark upon the professionalism of this particular tattoo artist. His space was SO clean and I watched him prep for both mine and Olly's tattoos and it was meticulous. The tattoo artist also made it clear that he wouldn't tattoo anyone who had been drinking. He was pure class (and talent) and it was clear we had chosen our artist well.
As I sat on the chair and got my foot set up, I took a deep breath and realized I was actually going to do this. I didn't have the guts to run from the shop at that point so the only other option was to do this thing. The tattoo artist asked if I was ready...I said I guessed so....and then it began. And I was shockingly surprised at how little it hurt at the start. Now...to go back to our amazing artist...I swear he knows exactly what he's doing as he started on the most painful spot for both Olly and me. For me...that was the bone near my big toe. Things were a little more intense there and then it was over and he moved down the rest of my foot which seemed much more bearable after that.
Certainly there were moments....my leg kept twitching so I asked Olly to push on my knee for a decent amount of time. That helped immensely. He was my tattoo doula (and in turn, I was his). I spent some time experimenting on whether I preferred to watch or not watch. I don't think I ended up with a preference. Although after watching Olly get his on his back, I think I prefer having the option to at least look when I want to. :) I practiced a lot of my own pain coping techniques that I teach in childbirth classes and Olly even cued me at one point which surprised me and made me realize he actually DOES listen to me when I talk now and then. :)
The very last letter....the capital E....was probably the most intense part. But then, it was over. And I had a tattoo. And as odd as this may sound, I felt like a whole new part of me opened up. Very similarly to giving birth. Perhaps not quite as profound....but noticeable nonetheless. I don't think there's really any way to describe except to say I felt pretty damn awesome....and sort of like a bad ass....yep...even with my one little 45 minute tattoo.
I also learned that tattoo artists are therapists in a very real sense. Spending several hours with a tattoo artist allows time for stories to be told and some of them are fascinating. And this particular artist truly understands his part in these life stories. He understands that his mark will be one a person's body for the rest of their life. He understands the emotion behind the tattoo. And he honors it in his own unique way.
And my connection with Olly feels different too. This was something we did together. Our tattoos also are a reflection of our relationship in our own ways. This man pushes me out of my comfort zone. He challenges me. And I have learned over the last ten years that I can be myself with him. He sees me in all my vulnerabilities and he loves me anyway. I have ALWAYS said that you would never see me getting a tattoo of someone's name on me. And although I didn't do that, there is certainly a reference to Olly in my tattoo. And that also feels like perfection.
Two weeks ago, I changed my hair color...and I added the purple I've been wanting to add for some time. This weekend, I got a tattoo. And I finally am feeling that here, at 46, I'm starting to become true to myself. I'm truly starting to feel that I can do whatever I want and it doesn't matter what other people think of it. And all of this may seem ridiculously simple to some of you. But I grew up with a very strong sense of what was "acceptable" behavior and what was not. And I have carried that around my entire life. I learned that it was important to make decisions based on what others would feel about it. That is a rough lesson to carry around. And here, FINALLY, easily in mid-life, I am finding ME. What I want. What feels good to ME. And that feels so AWESOME!
And now I have a forever reminder of one of the most important lessons in life for me.
Yes....yes it will. :)
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