Forty Six

Forty Six.  46.  Good Lord, where in the world did 46 years go?  

I remember when I thought 30 was old.  

But here I am.  46.  I remember when I was 16 and my mom was 48 and I thought she was SO OLD.  

And I still feel so young.  

And at the same time, my body is definitely letting me know we're not 16...or 28...or even 35 anymore.  There are more creaks and groans these days.  And yet, I think I feel better today than I ever have in my life.  I'm coming to terms with this body of mine.  I no longer am angry at it for carrying extra weight.  I don't mind the laugh lines on my face or the age spots appearing on my hands.  I like 46.  My mom told me once that her 50s were her favorite decade.  I can see that.  I'm not afraid of my age anymore.  Clearly, shown by the picture above, I will wear it proudly today.

This body can do a 2 minute plank.  It can effortlessly move through Warrior I,II&III on each side and hold the poses easily for a minute.  This body can bend and touch my fingers to my toes without bending my knees.  This body can do squats and lunges and lift weights and can spin a hula hoop like nobody's business.  :)  This body has weathered storms and has emerged from them stronger than ever.

This heart of mine has been broken into little tiny pieces over it's 46 years.  And it has pieced itself back together every time.  It has also loved and been loved deeply.  Over it's 46 years, this heart has been told that it's too sensitive, but it now knows that it is perfect, and kind, and open, and believes in the goodness of people and is totally cool with itself. 

There are moments when it's sad to think that the two people responsible for giving me life can't truly celebrate with me.  This is my 6th birthday without my mom and I'm not sure if dad really remembers it's my birthday.  But that is all part of life as well.  And today I'll spend the day with my kids and know the days of them being home and hanging out with me on my birthday are limited too.  

The greater my age gets, the more I seem to appreciate life and the little things.  And the more I want to celebrate each passing birthday. We only get so many.  It's important to mark them and honor each year lived.  

And so that's what I will do today.  Celebrate Me!  That's been a foreign idea in the past, but no more.  I'm proud of this life I've lived.  Every accomplishment, every loss, every mistake has made me who I am.  Every line on my face tells a story.  And it's been a pretty amazing story so far.  Time to begin the next chapter.  :)