Turn, Turn, Turn

"The journey between who you once were,

And who you are now becoming,

Is where the dance of life really takes place".

~ Barbara DeAngelis

Sixteen years ago, I was a pregnant first time mom.  I was SO excited for that baby.  And so excited to start my new life as a stay-at-home mom.  I was 29 years old.  I'd held several jobs for the 13 years prior.  Some were good, some weren't great.  None felt truly fulfilling.  I often longed for a job where I felt as though I was making a difference and not just a number on a payroll check.  Motherhood was going to make a difference in this one baby's life.  That I knew.  And I was ready for it.  What I was not ready for, and had to way of preparing for, was the change that baby was going to make in my life.

Giving birth to that baby changed everything for me.  I became someone new.  Through a long empowering labor, more sleepness nights than I could count, a devastating postpartum mood disorder, diaper changes, baby tears, mama tears, more questions than answers, throughout it all...somehow...I began to find myself.  The birth of that baby began an entire new period of my life.  Motherhood was life altering.

If you had told me 16 years ago that I would become a birth doula and childbirth educator, I would have laughed out loud.  But that's who I became.  And I was (and still am) good at that work.  I found a passion...a true passion...and I did work that was making a difference in the world.  All because of that little baby boy.  He came into my world to teach me.  To open me up to things I hadn't seen before.  To experience the depths of despair to find what I was made of and to rise up again.  That boy chose me because he knew I needed him. And he was right.

Every step for the past almost 16 years started with his birth.  Two years later I was a Birth Doula, then a Childbirth Educator, then a Postnatal Educator...then after falling into a dark hole, I climbed out with even more strength than I ever knew I had.  He and his brother were my inspirations. That second little baby chose me beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Dramatic happenings occurred to bring him into the world because he knew I needed him.  Those boys created the fight in me.  They created the mama bear.  They created the woman who knew I had to be better for them. And because of them, I found the light again.  The real light.  The shining light of who I was at my core.  And the world opened up for me.

I finished my Bachelor's Degree at 42 years old, I became a Counselor and started my Masters Degree.  And then my mom became sick and died.  And I survived.  And I learned.  And I grew.  And life and death blurred.  And became intertwined and connected.  And I changed my Masters program and in less than 3 months, I will have a Masters Degree in Gerontology and will hold the title of Gerontologist and Geriatric Care Manager.

And today, I began the next step...I enrolled in a Death Midwifery Certification program.  A Death Midwife is defined as a practitioner who is committed to offering services (information, guidance, counseling, etc.) for all facets of the pan-death process, which includes three major stages of death/dying: Before (life threatening or terminal illness), During (active dying and death) and After (final rites, burial or cremation, funeral or memorial, bereavement).  And thereby provides a continuum of direct support throughout all 7 stages included within which are:

1. End-of Life Education and Preparation

2. After the Terminal Diagnosis

3. During the Active Dying Stage

4. The Transition of Death Itself

5. Immediately Post Death

6. Final Arrangements

7. Care for the Bereaved Family

Sixteen years ago, death terrified me.  Shoot, 6 years ago death terrified me.  And then it came and it took my mother while she was in my arms.  And it was heartbreaking and powerful at the same time.  And I swear death touched me, anointed me if you will, and my passion for death was born.  Just as I have believed for so many years that there are many different ways to give birth and people should be allowed to choose where and how they would like to birth and that they deserve support throughout the process and through postpartum, I believe people deserve to choose where and how they die and how their body is handled post-death and that those who are dying, and those who love them, deserve support throughout the process.  

And so here I am...preparing to add to my repertoire the art of Death Midwifery.  It feels like a natural extension of my Birth Doula work.  It is so clear to me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  And I have to give credit where credit is due...that sweet little baby who came into my world almost 16 years ago to help me find myself.  Now he's embarking on his own path to find himself and my role is to hold his space and support him if/when he needs me.  He taught me this role that I have carried over into so many aspects of my life.  His brother helped enhance the role.  They are my teachers, among the many other who have come into my life over the years.  But they were my first.  They were the ones who taught me the dance moves in this dance of life.

And so the dance continues...