Today was the first day I've had the opportunity to sit out on the front porch with my lemon water after a busy week. But I've been watching the tree all week and this is what it looks like today:
Getting close to full bloom. This idea of daily watching this tree has had quite an effect on me. When you truly immerse yourself in nature, it can make you see the bigger picture in life. This week started with a chunk of a tooth falling out and getting rear-ended on my way to work. I was discombobulated and frustrated (both brain emotions, not heart emotions) and was kind of stuck in a funk. Then last night I saw my therapist and talked it all through with someone who gets it, instead of rolling it all around in my head. And Ta-Da! I left with an entirely new perspective. The beauty of this week is that I handled both those things very differently than I would have in the past. They weren't drama provoking...they just "were". So many people have many, many more difficult things on their plate right now than my little bumps in the road. And as I've repeated over and over...life really is about perspective.
There are other big things percolating in my life this week as well. And my husband and I are both learning lessons in patience this week. And vulnerability. And believing in ourselves. And in the fact that he and I are a team. In the ups and the downs, we are a team. And that has been a wonderful reminder this week. And one of the good things that came out of my accident. Strangely enough, Olly was coming home in the opposite direction when I was hit. He had a surreal moment of realizing that the accident across the street was his wife. He called me and asked me if I wanted him to come back to which I said I did (he told me he probably would have come back even if I had said no ;) ). And seared into my brain is the picture of him coming back up the road, on the shoulder, at a pretty decent clip to get to me. And I realized how safe I feel with him. How he is always there for me, no questions asked. And it hit me (no pun intended) that I spent a large portion of my life never really feeling "protected" per se. So much so that I built up a very large defense mechanism that kept me from wanting anyone in my life to protect me. I was good on my own. I didn't need ANYONE. But over the years, Olly has shown me what it feels like to be loved so much that another person simply wants to do things for me. We've been together for 8 1/2 years now and it took a LONG time for me accept that kind of love. But as he drove up on Tuesday, I realized that somewhere along the line, I completely let my walls down with him. He loves me. He protects me. I trust him completely. He always wants what is best for me. I don't always have to be strong because when I can't be, he'll be there to support me. And vice versa. We're a team. And I am so very blessed to have him in my life. And in allowing him in, it's allowed me to open up my heart to so many other people in my life. Vulnerability does not come naturally to me, but I have come to a place in my life where I actually kind of like it. The world looks much more beautiful when you have no walls built up around you.
So, here it is on Friday...after a rough start to the week. The tree is blooming. So am I. A few years ago, a week like this would have rocked me. But today, I can say that it was a good week overall. There's a lot of activity coming up in the next six weeks. A little missing part of my tooth or a fender-bender isn't going to stop me from enjoying all the good the world has to offer me. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment