A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step

"Success is not a place at which one arrives

But rather the spirit with which one undertakes

And continues the journey"

~ Alex Noble

1810 Days ago I took the first step towards finally finishing the last two years of my Bachelor's degree.  I was 40 years old.  Jonathan was almost 11 and Christopher was 7.

And my mom was dying of cancer.

I was terrified.  I wasn't sure I could do it.  And then six weeks into my very first eight week term, my mom died.  And I considered quitting right then.  But I knew if I quit, I wouldn't go back.  Somewhere I just knew that about myself.  I finished that term with two 'A's and began my second term on the day of my mom's graveside service.  That second term was the only term in which I ever received a B.  It was a B+, but still a B.  I gave myself a little grace on that, but that B was always a reminder of what I went through that term.  And also, what I had survived, and what I was capable of doing.  And I knew, once I completed that term, that I could do anything.  Although, that doesn't mean I didn't fall down a few times along the way.  

1810 Days.  In addition to my mom's death, in that time, I completed 40 classes (which included more papers and discussion question responses than I could count), I bought a house and moved, I got married, I had surgery, I sat at my dad's beside in the hospital for 3 days after he had surgery alternately keeping him from pulling out his IV, and writing a paper on my laptop on the cot in the corner of the room, I attended many births, I taught a large number of childbirth classes, I taught several doula workshops and a childbirth educator workshop, I started a new business and moved into a new office and then 3 years later revamped that business and found a new (even better) office, I moved my dad to assisted living and cleaned out and sold what was once my mom's dream home.

And I got 5 years older.  And my kids got 5 years older.  And daily events happened...Jonathan broke his arm, our house was broken into, tires went flat, bathroom pipes burst, A tooth was pulled and a root canal was needed, appointments took place for me and my kids and my dad, my kids got sick, etc., etc., etc.  LIFE never stopped because I was in school.  But I kept going.  One class at a time.  One day at a time.  One step at a time.  

And I learned what I was made of, and I became stronger.

And stronger.

And stronger.

And stronger.

The motto I repeated a lot to help me get through school was the reminder that "You're going to be 45 one way or another".  I wanted to be 45 with my Master's degree.  

And....here I AM!

Earlier today I stood outside, barefoot, in the quiet stillness of an early morning.  I grounded myself to the earth.  I breathed in the cool morning air.  I took it all in...all 1810 days.  Days like today are monumental.  They don't come along often in one's life.  Today feels bigger than any birthday I've had.  The sense of accomplishment I feel today is enormous.  And I know, without a doubt, this moment in my life needs to be honored.  I planned a day of nothingness today so I wouldn't "busy" away this day.  I want to feel it.  I want to live every moment of it.  And tomorrow, I celebrate.  I am throwing myself a party.  That is not something I would have done five years ago.  But "this" girl is celebrating herself.  I decided that if I threw myself a party and no one came, I would celebrate on my own.  As Oprah said, "The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate." :) I have always felt strongly about following Ghandi's advice to be the change I wish to see.  I haven't always been good at it though.  That has been changing over the last 5 years.  If I don't treat myself well, how can I expect others to do so?  I think we should all celebrate ourselves.  I think we should all throw ourselves parties.  I think we should all stand up tall, and shout from the rooftops how awesome we are.  Life is too short to pretend we don't matter.  Every single one of us matters.  I spend entire days spreading that message to people in various aspects of my work.  But the only way to be fully genuine in that message is to believe, and practice it, myself.  And so tomorrow...I'm having a party!  :)  And my desire is to thank those who have supported me throughout these past five years whether it was giving a "like" to a school related Facebook post or sending me a text of encouragement or quiet prayers and good thoughts that were sent my way.  SO many people held me up these past 5 years.  Tomorrow, in addition to celebrating my accomplishment, I celebrate all of YOU!

But today is a day of reflection.  A day to look back over the last 1810 days, over the 525,600 minutes of each of the past 5 years and to feel and honor what I have accomplished.  And I do that with the people who have walked every single step of this journey with me.  I do that with the two boys who brought a sharp right turn in my life journey when they arrived.  Jonathan will be 16(!) in a month and Christopher will be a full-fledged teenager this winter.  These boys are closing in on embarking on their own life journeys.  My hope is that they see that you can ALWAYS find the way to follow your dreams.  No matter what has happened, or is happening, in your life and regardless of how old (or young) you are.  At the same time, I know the reality is that those two boys have given me strength to do things I never thought I could do and they have taught me more about life and who I want to be than I think I could ever teach them.  They are, without a doubt, my greatest inspirations.

And I celebrate with my husband.  Tonight we'll pop a bottle of champagne and celebrate the end of this five year journey that we walked together.  He is the person who has listened to me complain and lament over weekends spent researching and writing.  He has seen my tears of frustration and my tears of joy.  He has held me up when I didn't think I had the strength to push through.  He was always there to remind me that I could do this even when I would get lost in the dark places that told me I could go no further.  He has been the other side of numerous high-fives.  He has been my biggest fan and I am beyond grateful that he has been beside me these past five years.  And now it's my turn to pay him back as he will soon begin his own journey back to school.  I am honored to get to be his cheerleader.  :)

But for me, NOW begins another path along this life journey of mine.  It's a whole new world out there.  The woman who took the first step on this particular path 1810 days ago is not the same woman who has arrived at the end of the path.  I am SO ready for this new path!  As I stood outside this morning, it was very clear to me that there are big things on the horizon and everything is going exactly as planned.  I am on the right path.  And I'm ready to ride this one out and see where it takes me.  

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...

Wow...What a Ride!"

~ Hunter Thompson

Let the Ride Continue.....