Soooo....Here's the thing...if you know me, you know that when something big occurs in my life, I have to write about it. Most the time I'm writing out my feelings over things that have occurred in my life. If you've read any of this blog or my previous blog (http://findingmymom.blogspot.com/) , you know I have a LOT of feelings. :)
Vulnerability is a theme of mine. My blogs assist me with being vulnerable. But it's time I become VERY vulnerable and ask for your help. I have to get one on of those huge pieces of metal that fly 30,000 miles in the sky in about 7 weeks. I've been in denial about it, but it hit me last week that we were just 8 weeks away and suddenly reality kicked in.
For a time, I pretended that my fear of flying was just a small thing...but since I flew to North Carolina a couple of years ago, I have realized this is a very BIG thing. And I have begun to research this fear of flying and have learned that I am far from alone.
If you're not afraid to fly, this may all seem silly to you. Any fear that you don't have can seem silly because it simply doesn't make sense. But this fear is very, very real for me. I'm not sure I have any other fear quite like that of flying.
So I bought this book: http://www.fearofflying.com/book/ - I bought it when it first came out and even had Captain Bunn sign it. He and I had been exchanging e-mails and I find him to be an amazing man. He's a lifetime pilot and has a masters in psychology. His SOAR program is like no other and now that I've read the book, I know I'm going to actually go further into the program. I feel as though the book was written just for me and obviously it wasn't which means there are a lot of other "me"s out there with the same fear. I don't feel crazy or silly anymore.
Therefore, I'm going to take you along on this ride with me...well figuratively, not literally. Unless you're up for a trip to San Antonio in January. ;) My hope is that in being honest with this fear of mine and sharing it openly, it might help someone else with the same fear. And if you don't have this fear, maybe it will help you understand those of us who do. Or maybe it will help someone with a completely different fear of their own.
I'm doing this for me, for my husband and for my kids...all of whom would likely prefer to be on a different flight from me...but who love me anyway. ;) This isn't just about overcoming a fear, but about understanding myself more and unraveling the origins of this fear. And I know they begin in control. And I know control is an illusion. Rationally, I understand all of this. But when the fear kicks in, rationality is gone.
So, you can ignore all these blog posts if this all seems ridiculous to you. But, if you're able to join me in this journey, I'd love to have your support. I know some of you fly all the time and it's no big deal. Please don't tell me I'm being silly or remind me how safe flying is. I know all this...again...rationality doesn't come into play here. It is a B.I.G. deal to me. And just putting all this out is fairly scary. But I'm looking at this as courage. Courage to not let this fear stop me. Courage to reach out for help. Courage to speak up. As Captain Bunn says, "It is not courageous to do something which we do not fear. Courageous means being open enough and real enough and whole enough to have fear, and continue anyway."
On that note....To Be Continued...
